


My Choice

by ImaKaraTabiHe



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Character Death, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Revenge, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-11-09 04:42:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11097132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImaKaraTabiHe/pseuds/ImaKaraTabiHe
Summary: He'd hurt them.  This was bound to happen... Wasn't it?





	1. Chapter 1

“Just- Just go the fuck away, Barry!” Cisco snarled. “We can do just fine without you!”

Caitlin's cold gaze on him and his foster sister's agreement made Barry shiver with heartbreak, insides crumbling. He'd changed the timeline, yes, but… did he really deserve all this? Perhaps. He'd lost his father to Zoom after all.

Barry Allen only caused problems, got people killed. What had he been thinking, trying to play hero? He couldn't ever be one. It was a nice idea, but… He wasn't a hero. That just wasn't him.

All he was was a menace; a problem. 'Worthless,' Barry thought to himself as he flashed out of STAR Labs. That's all he was. He wasn't worth it.

Nothing was.

_Len._

He was worth it. Leonard Snart was worth it. The criminal to Barry's hero, although at this point it was more like the anti-hero to the plague. He was beautiful, inside and out. A bit cold, sure, but that was just him.

Len's lips were rough sometimes, chapped, yet tasted like the menthol chapstick he used. Barry loved the ways his hands felt as they stroked his cheek, down his neck and bare skin. He loved the way Len's arms felt around him, strong and comforting; protective.

But now he was gone. He'd been gone for months, and it had been almost as long since they'd last spoken. Barry's hope plummeted each time he looked at his phone to find that there was absolutely no word from him.

The empty Inbox stared at him blearily, silently mocking him. How he wanted to throw it away, to watch it break like he too was breaking inside. But the tiniest of hope kept him from tossing the damn thing. It was a matter of how long the hope would remain though. It was like a spark of static just falling, dwindling.

It wasn't only missing messages from Len, but also his friends and family. Barry scoffed, “Former friends and family.” It wasn't like he was expecting it. Not after they'd found out about Flashpoint, found out about his mistake. Iris had told him what a disappointment he was. Joe just shook his head, eying him like he did criminals.

Was that what he was now? A criminal?

Barry found himself in an abandoned building that he'd come to frequent. It was dark and broken down, cold and damp. He curled on an old couch with the blue blanket Len got him when he complained of being cold once. It feels as empty as Len's apartment without him there. It feels as empty as his heart.

Aimlessly, he flips through his phone before staring at the empty Inbox. There's a distinct lack of bold lettering. There's the overwhelming reality that… 'I'm alone.'

He shivers, but this time it's not the cold. It's the loneliness. His body aches almost as much as his heart does. Nobody asked about his injuries. Nobody was able to care.

'It's my fault,' a voice that sounded like young Barry whispered in his head. His breath caught in his throat as he remembered sitting in the ambulance, watching the police car drive away with his dad in it. He hadn't been there to save them.

'It's all my fault.'

Guilt, safe-hatred and despair made his stomach churn. “I'm not a hero...” he voiced to the empty building. “I'm a monster.”

A monster that had destroyed their lives for his own gain in an act of selfishness. Given them new lives, changed their lives, set horrible events in motion… He'd even taken lives. He wasn't a hero. He wasn't even human. _He was nothing but a monster._

The texture of the blanket rubs against his cheek, softly, soothingly, and suddenly, he can't take it anymore and fires a quick message to Len. It's the number Gideon helped set up so they could talk through their time travels. _“Hey.”_ It's simple. It's safe. Neutral. It's not like he can come out and tell him that he feels like he's falling apart.

His phone chimes. Len: _“Hey, Scarlet. Can't talk. I'll message you later, okay?”_

Barry stares as if somehow the words could change. _“O.K.”_ he replies, numb. Maybe he was just busy. He said he couldn't talk so it must've been important… right?

He closes his eyes and hunkers down. Exhaustion wraps around him like a cloak, but sleep seems elusive, and when he finally passes out? Familiar voices echo in his head.

“ _Monster!”_

“ _We trusted you!”_

“ _How could you!?”_

“ _I thought we were family!”_

“ _You really are a monster,”_ Len's voice follows up. _“I could never love someone like you...”_

Barry shoots up, panting as sweat pours down his temples, matting his shirt to his skin. His pulse races with adrenaline, and he pulls the blanket tighter like a shield. Yet Len's words won't fade away, won't leave him alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things unravel and fall apart.

Len sighs, hoisting his bag over his shoulder and walking down the sidewalk to one of his more comfortable safe houses. He's too exhausted to make the trip to his apartment. This safe house is closer, although not quite home. Considering he's just gotten off the Waverider, it'll do.

He hasn't been able to get ahold of Barry, but he knows Barry gets really busy between being a CSI and Central City's hero. He could be asleep for all Len knew, and the last thing he wants to do is disturb him. He can see him tomorrow. Maybe surprise him somehow?

'Hmmm… a heist would be perfect to get his attention and surprise him,' Len thinks as he kicks the safe house down behind him closed. Plus, he really likes the way Barry's suit clings to his form. Maybe he can convince Barry to quit for the day and they can spend the rest of it in bed. Screw everyone else who wants Barry's attention. Len is going to keep him for himself.

He feels bad that the Legends has kept him so busy and severely limited the time that he could spend talking to Barry. Somehow, he's going to make it up to him though. At least this time he's got a few weeks to spend with his lover.

Falling asleep, he thinks about how good it will feel to have that beautiful, warm body back in his arms. Truly, he's missed that. 'Just a little while longer…'

The next day, Len has so much energy that he keeps tapping everything, trying to calm down. It's so hard though, because soon, he'll be seeing his lover again. Before too long, he'll have him in his arms. His body is trembling with excitement and longing.

A smile can't help but curl his lips as he walks into the bank and holds everyone at gun point, demanding they leave their wallets and ditch the joint. Everyone, except for one man – the manager. He has to have someone to hold hostage, or else the cops'll run right in and spoil the surprise.

This'll get his attention and then Scarlet'll be all his. Everyone else can wait. Len wants to wrap his arms around Barry and pull him close, wants to feel his lips fit against Barry's. It's been way too long. He's got a lot to make up for, but hopefully Barry won't be too mad with him for being away.

Hopefully.

It feels like forever, even though Len knows it's 3 minutes and 40 seconds into his official “heist” that he's held the manager at gunpoint. “Chill. I'm not actually here for your money,” Len had finally told the manager who kept begging to be let go. It's not like he was going to kill the guy. He may've been a lot of things, but murderer wasn't on his resume. Not anymore at least. Not if he could help it.

Static rises in the air, letting him know that Flash is arriving. It makes him smile, lips curling with anticipation. He can't wait, but he will. Len's too self disciplined to let himself act so carelessly in public.

Sure enough, when the blinks Flash is standing there in all his glory…

Len's sharp eyes catch some tinged red. It feels a little bit “wonky” as Barry would say when something felt off, but tinged red and a little smudge on the red leather wasn't enough to draw any solid conclusions.

It certainly made him pay more attention. Unfortunately, it would later be proven that it wasn't enough.

“Always a pleasure to see you, Flash,” Len snarked, fleshing out his persona further. “I certainly missed your red leather.” He honestly did, but in this tone of voice? It sounded like he was mocking him. It was only his persona though. Barry knew how Len liked to get him riled up with comments like that, and he knew that Barry didn't hold it against him – too much, anyways.

“Cold,” Flash greeted, voice falling flat despite the acoustic echo in the bank. The hero shifted, stance too weak too be normal, but he couldn't figure out why. “What do you want?”

Len blinked. 'What did he want?' What was that supposed to mean? Were they not on the same wavelength here? 'I think he'd be happy to see me….' But it doesn't seem like he is. Something seems...weird.

“I'm here for you,” Len says, mind running through a million different possibilities. A villain? Was he hurt? Did he miss something? If he was hurt, _who hurt him?_

He's not sure. He hates not being sure of things.

Flash sighs. “No, you're not.”

He's not?

“You're here for whatever stupid thrill you get out of robbing people.”

Wait, what?

“You're here for yourself.”

No. He's not.

“You can't say you're here for me when no one is,” Flash says, voice rising in volume.

_What._ “What?”

“Let's just get this over with.” And then Flash _moves,_ and his head is spinning, trying to figure out what's going on. Everything's so muddled and frustrating and _he just can't think._

And then… he fires.

The scene plays out before his eyes like a nightmare.  The cold streams forward, a wave of icy blue.  It washes over the room as his eyes can't help but follow it with dread. It sounds like his world is cracking, the sound echoing in his ears as ice forms along Flash's body, creeping up the still form.

It wasn't supposed to hit. How could it have turned out this way. He'd deliberately aimed for an open space. Somewhere far off to Barry's right.  _How could it have hit!?_

He can practically see the way Barry's eyes widen beneath the cowl for a moment before slipping closed. Can practically hear the way his blood freezes, solidifying in his veins.

The man he's holding hostage slips from his grasp, falling away and scuddling out of his reach, but Len could hardly care. He's not important. He couldn't possibly be compared to what's happening before his eyes.

“Barry,” Len chokes out as the cold gun falls onto the floor with a clatter, followed closely behind Flash's form. “Barry!” he cries out as he moves as quickly as he can to catch him.

The cold runs up his arms, settling in his limbs. It makes him shiver as he hugs his love in his arms, but maybe it's also the way Barry's body seems to vibrate in his arms, jolting like a… He's not going to think about it.

“Barry!” He shakes Barry in his arms. Something seems to crack. “Barry! Please, please! You can't die. You can't!” He sobs, heart crumbling in his chest. “Please! This wasn't supposed to happen!”

Barry's voice croaks, “It's for the b-best… 's not like I – I'm anything important.”

“God, Barry -”

“I don't deserve to live… I don't deserve anything.. It's.. no' a wonder you don't 'ove m-m-me...” Barry coughs out, voice breaking and trembling, and – Oh, god. Len can't take this. This isn't happening. It can't be.

“No, no, no, no! Barry, Barry I love you. You can't believe I don't. I-I – I love you so much!” Len screams without realizing. “You can't leave me! You can't!”

He wants to yell at him, rage at him, but feels like the world is crashing down on him. "WHY!?" His insides are twisted with pain, rage, and self-guilt. He doesn't understand.

Snow. Ramon. He'll call them. Trembling, he pulls out his phone, dialing. She'll save him. They'll save him. They have to. _Beep, beep, beep!_ He tries again, but it just goes to voicemail. Why!?

Barry gives him a broken smile, lips blue and tinged with white. "It's okay, Len... It's better this way...It's not your fault.. N-none of this is your fault. The gun may have been in your hand, but make no mistake this was my decision... I'm sorry... I'm..always so so sorry...." and then as he trails off, the light fades from Barry's eyes and his chest stills.

Everything goes dark as the phone drops, breaking and continuing to record the broken sobs of Leonard Snart. The sounds of someone who lost the very person he loved the most.

 

Two days later, Captain Cold stands of the bloody bodies of Dr. Caitlin Snow and Cisco Ramon. He still has people to see. This time, no one's going to still his hand of revenge. Not Mick, not Lisa. No one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...  
>  Not sure how this turned out. Was going to do more of Barry's POV, but Len kinda overrode him in this. I'm so sorry if this turned out bad. My head is all blank and I've been trying to multi-task and write. I don't think it worked out quite well.  
> ....Hopefully, I'll be able to get some more writing done later. Maybe with some caffeine.

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure how this is going to turn out, but let's see how it goes, yeah?
> 
> tumblr: tabihe


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